Too Much Science

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A Fictional Story by Mr. Brügge

As Mr. Brügge lifted the suitcases into the trunk of his pearl-white Lexus, he said, "Well, Karen, I think we have everything we need for our little trip to the Grand Canyon."

"This should be a fun excursion," replied his wife who did not look too awake. "I've never seen the Grand Canyon. Let's just hope the kids behave."

"Oh, they'll be fine. Adam will sleep most of the way and Sarah can entertain herself with her science coloring books," said Mr. Brügge as he slammed the trunk closed in much the same way he shuts his classroom door at the end of the day.

As Mr. Brügge shifted into drive, young Sarah shouted, "Daddy, don't start yet! I'm not buckled in."

"For heaven's sake, Karen, why didn't you get her belted in before you shut the back door," said Mr. Brügge with some exasperation in his voice.

"What do you mean, Steve?" asked his wife who appeared to be fully awake now.

"I did all the work getting the car packed. It was your job to get the children belted," said Mr. Brügge in the tone of voice he used to lecture his eighth graders when they forgot their calculators.

"What do you mean? You did all the work," said a very awake Mrs. Brügge.

"Yes, Karen, I did all the work! All you did was hold Adam and carry him out to the car."

" I would call holding your son work."

"No! No! No! Work is only accomplished when you move a force through a distance. Lifting suitcases is work, but simply carrying a child is not doing work," said Mr. Brügge a bit too smugly.

"I really don't care what you teach your science students," said Mrs. Brügge in her best first-grade-teacher voice.

"I'm still not buckled," said a wee small voice from the back seat.

"I'll get her," said Mrs. Brügge without looking at her husband.

The Lexus sailed west down I-40 very silently. Not a word was spoken between husband and wife. Sarah busied herself with one of her mammal coloring books, and baby Adam was rocked to sleep by the gentle hum of the road.

"We're accelerating," said Mr. Brügge as he slowed down to pull into a rest stop.

"Accelerating?" asked Sarah. "I thought that accelerating meant going faster."

"No, Sarah, acceleration means any change in velocity or direction. In fact, as we turned into this eyesore of a rest stop we accelerated; however, it is a negative acceleration," said Mr. Brügge with a satisfied expression on his face.

Mrs. Brügge just silently rolled her eyes and kept quiet.

The front of the car made a rather loud scraping sound as Mr. Brügge pulled into the first open parking space.

"I really do wish they would make those parking bumpers a bit lower," said Mr. Brügge. "Although that extra bit of friction does bring the car to a full stop, and it may even save a bit of wear on the brakes."

As Mrs. Brügge lifted a rather smelly Adam out of his car seat, Mr. Brügge said, "Now you are doing work, Karen. But the minute you carry him to the restroom all work ceases."

"That's nice, Steve," was all his wife said in reply as she walked to the restrooms.

The rest of the midmorning potty break was accomplished in silence. This time Mrs. Brügge made sure that Sarah was properly buckled.

For lunch the call of the Golden Arches was heard by young Sarah. She was just learning to read in kindergarten, and could recognize many sight words. The twenty-foot high billboard that announced McDonald's newest location in Flagstaff was impossible to hide from her inquisitive eyes.

"Look, Daddy, there's a McDonald's sign," said Sarah with genuine enthusiasm in her voice.

Mr. and Mrs. Brügge looked at each other for the first and only time that fateful day in total agreement. Neither one could stand McDonald's, but they knew that there was no way to dissuade Sarah from her favorite lunch.

The Happy Meal really did make Sarah happy. Baby Adam slept through lunch and was oblivious to how silent the adults were.

Mrs. Brügge broke the silence, however, to comment on Mr. Brügge's cup of hot coffee.

"Well, the food's not great, but at least the coffee's steaming hot," said Mrs. Brügge as an attempt to mend the rift that had formed that morning.

"Steam!" shouted Mr. Brügge as though someone had indeed spilled the entire cup on his lap. "It's not steam! It's water vapor! You can't see steam because it's an invisible, odorless, colorless gas."

"You know that, Mommy," said Sarah with half a French fry sticking out of her mouth.

"Yes, I do know what steam is thanks to your science-teacher father, but I forgot. Is that a sin? Just like I forgot to buckle you in when we left," replied Mrs. Brügge in a tone of voice that invited no reply.

The rest of the meal was finished in silence. The Lexus did a superb job of insulating its passengers from any outside sounds. This was really too bad because a little road noise might have lessened the tension and might have saved Mr. Brügge. There was, however, not a single squeak or rattle to intrude on the car's tomb-like interior. Mrs. Brügge sat in silence, and appeared to be lost deep in thought.

"Look, gang, there's the exit sign for the Grand Canyon," said Mr. Brügge in an attempt to introduce a little humanity into the silent car.

He did get a conversation started with Sarah, and they had a long and rather aimless talk about the motel where they were to stay.

It was a beautiful afternoon as the Brügge family stepped out of the car and walked to the first overlook at the South Rim. Any observer would have seen a happy young couple and their two children. Little would anyone be able to guess how much frustration had built up in Mrs. Brügge over the years. No outsider could ever imagine the endless stream of science facts Mr. Brügge imparted on an hourly basis to his wife and children.

An observer would have been surprised, then, to see Mrs. Brügge push Mr. Brügge over the low railing. He fell without a sound.

And Mrs. Brügge said under her breath, "Look, Sarah, your father is accelerating at 9.8 meters per second per second. I'll bet your father didn't think I knew that little science fact. That will show him."

 

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Epilogue

 

From her jail cell, Mrs. Brügge insisted that Mr. Brügge's tombstone proclaim in all capital letters, "HE DIED FROM TOO MUCH SCIENCE."

Adam and Sarah were raised by their grandparents. Both went into the arts as adults.

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I welcome your e-mail. brugge@aps.edu