Isaac and the BeanstalkOnce upon a time, there was a widow who lived with her son, Isaac. One day the widow realized they did not have enough food to fit their needs. "Son," she said sadly, "I need you to go into the city and trade our graphing calculator TI 89 for some money or food. Since you walk an average of 1.5 m/second, I believe that you should get into the town, get our calculator traded for something better, and come back here in about 3 days, 16 minutes, and 26 seconds. So, please go for me."
"Okay, mommy, but I will try and walk faster because I know how much you love food." So, off Isaac walked towards Albuquerque, treading faster than usual so he might get back to his abode before the three days passed him by. Before Isaac got into town, he met an old, strange man.
"Hey boy," the man called to Isaac. "I got these magic beans that I am willing to trade for that calculator."
"Umm... Okay!" Isaac said happily, thinking that by "magic," he meant that they would multiply and multiply, each time doubling their speed of multiplying. If this were true, he would have, in 1 year, so many beans that he would not be able to contain them in his hands. This also meant he would get back to his house in less then 2 days, even if he did walk .6 m/second. Why hadn't he thought of it before? Trade his calculator to a strange man for some magic multiplying beans and get home early to surprise his mom!
So, off Isaac went, walking a pathetic .4 m/second. Isaac walked for a long while until finally he found his way back to his house. "Isaac! I can't believe you're home so early!" Isaac's mother leaped in joy as she wrapped her arms around him. "So, how did you do it? Did you hijack another semi-truck? Or maybe you used my hit-and-run method, because I know that to have gotten to the town, traded our precious calculator, and come back here in the time you did you would have to have walked an average of 10 m/second, which I know that you can't do because you haven't eaten for 5 days. So, what did you do?"
Isaac grinned bigger than he had ever grinned before. "I traded our TI 89 to a strange man for some magic beans!"
"You what?!" roared Isaac's mother. As quick as a flash (actually, not that fast for it was simply to fast for Isaac's mom to go at that particular time of the day), she grabbed the beans out of Isaac's hand and said words too inappropriate to put in this story, but it translates simply to this: "Go to bed, and you're not getting any supper!"
"I wouldn't get supper any way!" Isaac yelled back. (Again, a rough translation of what he really said.) He stomped away to his room, and, of course, he didn't have any supper, but he wasn't too sad, for his mother wouldn't be having supper either. As Isaac sat down in his queen-sized bed, lying his head down on his feather pillow, his mom threw the beans into a small patch of dry soil and stomped off in the same manner as Isaac.
Isaac awoke with his usual coffee to get his body up and going, for he knew that the caffeine in the coffee would stimulate his central nervous system and wake him up. After his coffee, Isaac was going to go on a jog, but something got in his way. In the middle of Isaac's usual jogging path was the most unusual thing imaginable. A giant Beanstalk! And by the looks of it, it would have had to accelerate over 20 m/s/s to be as high as it was and have been planted the night before. Isaac tried to dodge the beanstalk, but his curiosity got the better of him. Isaac started to climb.
When Isaac got to the top, he witnessed a magnificent sight. A giant castle! And by the looks of it, it would have taken an army more than 5 hundred million years to build. Or maybe, giants built it! But no, that was too farfetched, until what came next! A giant stood in the doorway of the giant castle. Isaac went up to her and screamed as loud as he could, "Hey lady! Could you give me something to drink?"
The woman, seeing how desperate Isaac was, let him into the castle, but she warned him that her husband would be getting home soon and he didn't like humans, and especially not Americans. When Isaac finished his drink, a loud booming sounded from outside of the castle. A huge figure stepped out. "FE, FI, FO, FUM... I SMELL THE BLOOD OF AN AMERICAN THAT IS UNEDUCATED AND DOESN'T USE THE METRIC SYSTEM!"
The giant woman slipped Isaac behind a broomstick and said, "You are mistaken, for there are no Americans here! And anyway, I wouldn't let anyone in who didn't use the metric system!"
"I guess you're right..." sighed the giant. "Oh well, fetch me my gold!" The giant woman brought the giant many bags of gold. The giant counted his gold until finally, he fell asleep. As quick as he could, Isaac leaped out from behind the broomstick. He grabbed the gold and made a run for the beanstalk.
"Come back!" screamed the crazed giantess, but it was too late. Isaac had already gotten to the beanstalk and started to slide down it, and he knew that even if the giantess were to chase him, she wouldn't be able to catch up with him since they both fell at the same acceleration, 9.8m/s/s. Isaac was rich, rich, rich! When he finally got all the way down the beanstalk, he ran into his house. "Mommy! Mommy!" Isaac yelped.
"What is it now, Boy?" replied a weary voice.
"I've got gold!"
"That's good," said Isaac's mother sleepily. "Why don't you go and climb a tree now, because I heard it was good for you on that Health network thing on our satellite TV."
"What do you mean? Here's the gold!" Isaac threw the bag of gold at his mother, who fell over because it had more momentum than she did.
"You're right!" exclaimed Isaac's mother. "Let us get spending!" So, Isaac and his mother went on a spending spree. After they were done, all of the gold seemed to have vanished. Isaac, being the excite-seeking child that he was, once again climbed up the beanstalk to try and find a glorious fortune. When he got to the top, he found the giant woman once again.
"May I have a drink?" asked Isaac sweetly.
"Well, the last person I let into my house stole my husband's gold," said the giantess, not recognizing Isaac. "But you seem to be nice enough, so why not. Come in, come in." Isaac rushed into the castle and chugged down a huge glass of lemonade. When he finished, he heard a familiar rumbling. The giant! The giantess hid Isaac behind a counter.
"FE, FI, FO, FUM... I SMELL THE BLOOD OF AN AMERICAN WHO IS UNEDUCATED AND DOESN'T USE THE METRIC SYSTEM!"
"You are mistaken, for there are no Americans here who don't use the metric system! Come and sit down, and I will get for you your hen." The giant sighed and sat at the huge table. The giantess sat a hen on the table. At once, the hen started to lay eggs, but something was wrong. The eggs seemed to be made pure gold! After a few minutes passed, the giant fell into a deep sleep. Isaac, at once, grabbed the hen and ran off to the beanstalk, where he jumped and accelerated at 9.8m/s/s once again until he grabbed the beanstalk to slow his fall. At once, his mother ran outside in glee and grabbed the hen from Isaac's hand. Now they were set for life, or were they?
Isaac, being the greedy little child he was, wanted more treasures and more excitement. He climbed up the beanstalk a third time. When he got to the top, he snuck into the castle. The giant was sitting down at a table. "FE, FI, FO, FUM... I SMELL THE BLOOD OF AN AMERICAN WHO IS UNEDUCATED AND DOESN'T USE THE METRIC SYSTEM!"
His wife, knowing what this meant, looked all around the castle, searching, of course, for Isaac or another American. But Isaac, being the smart child he was, hid in a place no other human would think of... the oven! "There be no Americans here," said the giant's wife. "I will go fetch your harp and bake you a pie to calm your nerves." The giant's wife put a harp on the table.
"Play!" the giant commanded to the harp, which started to play, just as the giantess opened the oven and stuffed a pie in. Isaac jumped out at that moment and hid behind a stool. Soon enough the giant fell asleep. Isaac ran at three m/s and grabbed the harp.
"Help me, master!" screamed the harp. The giant stirred. He got up, stretched, and eyed Isaac. The giant started one incredible chase! Isaac got to the beanstalk and started sliding down. The giant slid down after him at the same acceleration, even though they were the same mass. Suddenly, Isaac heard a cracking noise. The beanstalk couldn't handle the giant's weight since the beanstalk was 1 meter thick and the giant was 3 meters thick. The beanstalk snapped and crushed both Isaac and the giant. Isaac's mother, hearing the loud boom that seemed to come from right outside her house, ran outside. She spied the harp and grabbed it. The widow, and now childless person, lived happily ever after, her, her golden eggs, her giant, broken beanstalk that became eighth wonder of the world, and the magical harp.
THE END
Moral of Isaac and the Beanstalk: Don't become greedy like Jack, for a giant beanstalk will crush you.